{"id":2438,"date":"2013-05-21T14:29:51","date_gmt":"2013-05-21T14:29:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.franchisemart.in\/franchise\/?p=2438"},"modified":"2013-05-21T14:29:51","modified_gmt":"2013-05-21T14:29:51","slug":"stupid-ways-of-getting-fired","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.franchisemart.in\/franchise\/stupid-ways-of-getting-fired\/","title":{"rendered":"Stupid ways of getting fired"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Please allow me to ask you a sensitive, personal question \u2014 do you work in a dead-end job? Allow me to ask this \u2014 Do you hate your job? One last question \u2014 Is your paycheck so small that the teens at McDonald\u2019s laugh at you?
\nWell, friend. Looks like you need a change in jobs. Oh, you didn\u2019t need me to tell you that. You realized that years ago when you were passed-over for the tenth time for that promotion you had prayed for. And one other time when the \u201cnewbie\u201d in the office worked for one month and was rewarded with a immense raise.<\/p>\n

But you, the loyal, dependable, reliable, team-player that you are, stuck it out. Sucked it up and kept going. You kept clinging to the old saying, \u201cGood things come to those who wait,\u201d but guess what? 20 long years of awful working conditions, being taken for granted, never given any credit (or raises) is way too long for anything good to come to you. Let me put it another way. <\/p>\n

The \u201cgood things\u201d have forgotten you. Lost your job site address. You are a faded memory in the world of work. And to make you feel worse, you are not getting any younger either. The youngsters just out of college are piling into your office having fun at your expense when you say \u201chi,\u201d to them, they reply, \u201chi, gramp\u2019s\u201d or \u201chello, Mr. Relic.\u201d Not a good feeling.<\/p>\n

But it would be totally different if you were so good at your job that even if you tried to get fired, the boss would only laugh at you. But here is a news flash: You are not that good at your job and could be replaced with a broom. What\u2019s happened to you is nothing new. This has been going on for years. Centuries. And it\u2019s time for \u201cunderdogs,\u201d like you to break out of the mold. Run away from the crowd. Do something daring. And seek employment elsewhere before your \u201cgood years\u201d are used up. Simply quitting is not an option. And besides if you just up and leave your job that is nothing more than toil to you, you will not get a \u201cdivision package\u201d that really means two weeks pay and the things out of your desk.<\/p>\n

You need to get yourself fired. Terminated. \u201cGiven the boot.\u201d Or a good old-fashioned, \u201cheave- ho,\u201d and you will be completely free of this \u201csweat shop,\u201d who forgot what minimum wage really is . And forgot what good employees (like you) did to build the company. Yes, getting yourself fired is probably the only way to freedom.
\nBut do not sweat it, friend. I have designed a few sure-fire, cracker jack ways to get termination papers handed to you. Ready for your signature. Giving you what you should have had years ago \u2014freedom to look and get a much-better job. Pal, this company \u201csaw you coming\u201d when you first applied for your job a scant 15 years ago.
\nAnd have pushed you around and overlooked your talents everyday since you were hired.
\nHere are my \u201cStupid Ways For You To Get Fired From a Rotten Job\u201d . . .<\/p>\n

1. Storm Into The Boss\u2019 Office Unannounced and simply slam your fists on his fine, Oak desk and yell, \u201cI am doing a swell job, I just want you to know that!\u201d Then smile at the company owner who was paying your boss a vist and return to your desk.<\/p>\n

2. When Your Boss\u2019 Wife Calls and you answer the phone, start coming onto her like a lonely, drunken sailor on leave in some small port in Portugal. Make sarcastic remarks about her figure. Make the kissing sound over the phone at her. Tell her how much you\u2019d love to sweep her off her feet. Then suddenly say in a nice tone, \u201cSure, Mrs. Need more, I will patch you through to your husband.\u201d<\/p>\n

3. Show Up At Work late for a week wearing a different circus costume each day.
\nSit at your desk as if nothing is wrong. Squeeze the red rubber clown nose at people who are coming in your office to do business with you. It won\u2019t take long before your name is scratched off of the office door.<\/p>\n

4. Open The Window Near Your Desk then start yelling swear words at the top of your lungs to the people below on the sidewalk. When a crowd gathers, including a few policemen, \u201cmoon\u201d the crowd and start yelling angry words while you chant a teenage protest song. <\/p>\n

5. Stand Up In The Middle Of An Office Meeting and declare, \u201cthis company sucks. Care if I entertain us with a bit of old-fashioned harmonica music?\u201d and yell at the Board of Directors while you are being forcefully-removed from the meeting.<\/p>\n

6. Start A Cruel Fist-Fight In The Restroom to prove, as you tell your soon-to-be \u201cex\u201d boss, \u201cI was as good of a boxer as Muhammad Ali.\u201d<\/p>\n

7. Throw Half-Empty Milkshakes at the opposite sex employees who work across from your desk. Then jump up on your desk and proclaim, \u201chey, gang look! A pretty little snow princess!\u201d Time for you to start cleaning out your desk.<\/p>\n

8. Bring your pet dog,\u201dkallu\u201d to the office knowing that it\u2019s against company policy and then when \u201cKallu,\u201d gets a sudden attack of diarrhea, that you caused by feeding him Ex-Lax at home that morning, then sit back and enjoy the fireworks.
\nYou and \u201cKallu\u201d should be hoofing it home after lunch.<\/p>\n

9. Just Burst through the Glass Door of your office conference room just when your boss and other top-level stockholders are sitting down to talk about the financial shape of the company, and yell, \u201cGet lost, suckers. This place is sinking like a rock!\u201d This will get you fired at light-speed.<\/p>\n

10. Broadcast over The official mail sensitive secrets that your coworkers have made you swear to never tell. Secrets like \u201cSanjay,\u201d who has had an ongoing affair with \u201cMinakshi,\u201d the accounts payable temp for six months. And the torrid secret about your boss swindling money from the company to pay his petrol bills on his dinner drives when he was supposedly \u201cworking overtime.\u201d
\nAnd finally …the best one on the list …<\/p>\n

11. Take Your Boss by the Shirt Lapels and throw him against the wall in front of everyone and get in his face with a wild look in your eyes and say, \u201cYou aren\u2019t man enough to fire me! I dare you! Fire me if you have a backbone anywhere! I am a much tougher man than you are! Come on! Fire me!\u201d And keep threatening your boss in this manner until you are under the effects of a taker or stun-gun.
\nBut do not worry.
\nPeople live from being teased or having a stun-gun used on them. And while you are laid up in the hospital for days, you can be charting your next move on whom to seek for your new job.
\nTold you my plans would work.<\/p>\n